


Mourn

by cherrygoldlove



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Drabble, Heavy Angst, M/M, Miscarriage, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-28 00:27:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10819890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrygoldlove/pseuds/cherrygoldlove
Summary: James' actions finally cost him dearly....





	Mourn

When James walked in, Q was sitting up, propped on the pillows. Still hooked to all kind of machinery.

He was pale, face drawn and cheeks looking even more hollow than usual.

Bond sat down on tbe bedside. He… didn’t know where to start, what he should say…

“You cost me my child, James.” Q started, voice quiet, but stable. “Again, your recklessness, your stupid bravery… cost a life. Not yours, not mine, but someone’s so much more precious. Maybe you’ll learn now, maybe not. It is of no concern to me anymore. I want your things out of my apartment by the time I can get out of the Medical ward. I asked Moneypenny to clear out the n-nursery.”

The brunet’s hands tightened on the bedsheets, and James reached out, wanting to comfort… Q snatched his hands away.

“I’m sor-”

“Don’t. I don’t need nor want your apologies. It won’t change anything.”

Bond bowed his head, then moved, bracing his elbows on his knees and running his hands over his face. It all went so bad…

“Is it… over then? Us?”

“What do you think?” Q’s voice turned angry, seething. “You killed us. Y-you killed him. I can’t stand to look at you right now. It’s all your fault!” Then he quieted down again. “There’s no need for me to tell you that, is there? You know well enough what you’ve done.”

Q pressed his hand to his rounded middle. It was unfair how it still looked the same, though was so painfully empty now.

“I don’t want to think about you anymore, I don’t want to wonder where you are, what you’re doing. I want you gone from my life.”

James looked up, eyes reddened.

“Goodbye, James.”

The words were so final, so sincere, James felt himself move, get up from the bed, and with one final, parting glance walking out of the hospital room.

Only then he allowed himself to cry, mourn all he has lost.

*

Q never forgets nor forgives… 

The boffin keeps one of the teddies, the first one James bought for *them* after they found out. He keeps it deep in his closet, but takes it out once in a while when he needs to cry himself to sleep. Bond drinks, heavily. And then he got careless, again. One time too many. So Q has now two graves to visit, two loved ones to mourn… He regrets not taking James back. Immensely.

*

He still sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night, bathed in cold sweat and with a whimper on his lips as he’s clutching at his stomach, the other between his legs, remembering how he tried to stop the life seeping out of him in a stream of red, red blood… 

He’s trembling with the shadows of the pain that courses through him that day, both physical and mental.

Wiping sweat from his brow and tears from his cheeks, he turns to switch on the bedside lamp, bathing in the soft glow the single silver frame he keep there. Him and James, the blond’s arms around his middle where the bump used to be… For such a short time.

For months after he hated that man.

There was no denying it, it has been the agent’s fault, that he lost the baby. But it was Q’s fault that Bond has lost his life…

Getting up from the bed he went to the closet and kneeling on the floor he reached for the box he kept there. 

A teddy and a white dress shirt hidden inside. 

All he had left of a life that even if dangerous was so perfect. All he had left of them.

Bringing both items to bed with him, he curled around them, fresh tears sleeping out.

Tomorrow, tomorrow he’ll go to the cemetery.

*

With the last breath he took, with the last bright flash of consciousness he thought back to Q and their child.

He regretted.

He regretted dragging Q into the mess that was his life, regretted forcing Q’s hand and pulling him in that situation that has cost them so dearly.

He regretted not fighting for the brunet after.

Made they couldn’t have more children, the accident making Q barren as they had to remove all of his uterus to stop the internal bleeding, but maybe, just maybe, they could have been at least a bit happy, after the pain has settled. At least they could have been together, had each other.

He missed the brunet, the crinkling with mirth green eyes, the tight lipped smile, the way he said his name on a Sunday lazy morning…

“I’m sorry, Danny. I’m so, so sorry…” he managed to whisper out, mouth filling with blood before his world turned dark and cold forever.


End file.
